A little introspection goes a long way. Over the past 2 days, I’ve engaged in A LOT of introspection. The first wave was a combination of discussing our finances right before bed and my third trimester insomnia; the second wave was the very next afternoon when I had almost 2 hours in the car with a sleeping Angel Baby after a really soul-baring discussion with one of my besties.
Considerable Brain Power
From time to time, I catch myself in these negative mental loops. I have to kick myself out of them or I can get mired for days. Since I am (currently) unable to get my foot all the way up to my head, I have these two questions I ask myself:
- Why don’t you put your considerable brain power to more productive use?
- Don’t you think prayer would be a more productive use of your time and energy?
I am going to share with you what went through my head as I demanded these questions of myself. Usually, I am a much more private person and find it difficult to express these things to those close to me. But what’s the point of running a blog called Thoughtfully Sought if I’m not showing you, my readers, what I’m thinking and how I’m seeking a better, healthier, happier path through life?
Just know, as we launch into my considerable yet ridiculous brain, that the two main topics of conversation between me and those nearest and dearest to me were in regards to Money and Faith.
Highlights from Yesterday’s Introspection
- God asked us to be stewards of our money.
- We must be smarter with our funds. What we earn is not as important as what we spend. We need to be very conscious of where and how we spend the money that we have earned.
- The money we earn is from our blessings: the BHE was blessed with the abilities to continue working for a good employer; I was blessed with the abilities to learn and earn advanced degrees for future employment. Both of us are blessed with many, many fruitful abilities that can be put to gainful use.
- My debts need paid off ASAP. The BHE doesn’t really have any, other than the mortgage we share. The rest of what is owed? Yeah, that’s all me, thanks to my credit card use and student loans.
- I am like my brother, Jesus.
- When thinking of my love and strengths as an exercise to discover gainful work as a SAHM, I realized that I am like Jesus and, therefore, have so much potential. He had a profound goal (saving our souls), a limited amount of time in which to achieve it, and a desire to use His strengths to reach as many as possible with no modern technology to assist Him. Jesus was a teacher, a public speaker, someone who wanted to help others, someone who enjoyed being a host as well as a guest, someone who reached out to every one of His friends time and again, someone who could recognize His own faults and shortcomings and look for ways to build Himself stronger. Is that not what I’m trying to do? What I listed in my head as my loves and strengths were oh-so-similar to what we can list were Jesus’s. And I have the Internet, multiple Facebook pages and a blog, Instagram, a PHONE to reach people.
- I may not reach as many as He did in such a profound way, nor will I have such a lasting mark on all of humanity… but modern technology has given me such an opening to reach out and help others grow thoughtfully.
- My number one loves are my family.
- The two things I identified myself as, before blogger or librarian or student or teacher or cook or housekeeper: Mother and Wife.
- But the other things I can identify as either roles I play well or skills I’ve developed in those rolls could be used to generate income to further support two main roles.
- My family can benefit from my loves and strengths in reading, writing, editing, teaching, hosting, cooking, cleaning, bookkeeping, and so on. It is up to me to discover how to make these things work.
- We each see The Light in our own way in our own time.
- It may seem much brighter for others but that may be what they need. You may not see it so brightly because (a) you’ve been seeing it for longer or (b) you don’t need to see it so brightly just now.
- Maybe what you need is to see how others see The Light and how they grow to understand your own depth or doubt of faith*.
- It isn’t about discovering what God wants me to do. Stop asking, “What do you want from me?” He made that clear already: God wants me to be a good Christian. It is up to me to discover how I am going to do that.
- It isn’t about being the best/smartest/strongest/fastest/richest/cleanest/etc. It is about doing my best and being thankful that I can do it.
- Be just, be right, be smart and kind in your actions. Life isn’t a competition. Like one of my besties has said time and again**: Empowered women empower women. I want to take that a step further…If so, my place here isn’t to just show others how I walk down my thoughtfully sought out path; it is to empower others to search in themselves and be emboldened and empowered by my words and examples to walk their own paths.
- God blessed me with many gifts. Now I need to put them to use. Those uses, if I am seeking my path and being thoughtful in my empowering of others, will actually lead me back to my first point: I will be a better steward of my money, as I will be earning and spending more thoughtfully.
What do you think?
*That was a paraphrase from my favorite Collective Soul song.