Write it all out.
Write it all out.
I keep getting stuck on the negative. These ugly thoughts float ‘round and ‘round in my head. I let them eat me up inside until they take over not only my mind and emotions but my actions, too.
Less than I week ago, I let them explode out of me in anger and hate and ugliness. I said and did things that I never should have done, and although I cannot take them back, I can make sure I never do them again.
That is why I will sit and write.
When the bad things happen, I will write about them.
When the negativity starts to take over, I will write about it.
When the pressure builds, I won’t explode; I will write about it.
When it all becomes too much to handle, I will write about it.
That is much healthier than exploding or giving in or even verbally venting to loved ones. They no more need my negativity than I do. Sometimes, let’s admit, it feels good to just bitch. It feels good to let it all out to someone who will listen and may either give sound advice or at the very least join you in your stripping down of the ugliness.
I have changed my mind, though. I will just write it all out.
Maybe it will help. Maybe it will be cathartic. Maybe I can see where I messed up and did or said the wrong thing, so I can stop pointing out what the other person did or said wrong. Maybe I can look back over my writings and either gain perspective or laugh about the ridiculousness.
Honestly, how could something so crazy cause me anger, frustration, pain, or hate…when it is truly just damned ridiculous.
So I start where every re-telling of a story starts: somewhere in the middle. The writing has to begin someplace, and just like thoughts, it will eventually backtrack before springing forward and coming to a conclusion.
All stories have a beginning and an end. It is just a matter of where you step into them and which memories you bother to recall to explain certain aspects of the story.
Just like it is a matter left solely up to you on how the story ends.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you cannot control the behaviors of others, only your reactions to those behaviors. Like a stone on a pond, your response is what will continue to ripple through your life.
Are those smooth ripples because you lightly cast a well-thought-out stone?
Or are those massive destructive waves because you heaved the ugliness out without heed?