Making friends as an adult is hard work. Unless you share a common past like school, a common interest like a club you attend regularly, or a common place of employment, it is really hard to build a friendship from the ground up.
Add in constant distractions like little people, it is no wonder so many SAHMs write blog posts about feeling lonely and isolated.
I have been making bigger steps to get out of the house. It used to be that I considered myself a homebody, content to be a bum in my house unless I had to be somewhere like work or church. Then came the Angel and BAM I was alone.
With my thoughts and a newborn, things got a little whacky in my head.
At first, I had my schoolwork to keep me occupied. And phone calls to friends and family and even the place I used to work, keeping my finger on the pulses of those I cared about. Slowly but surely, though, as my Mommying consumed my time, my friendships dwindled.
There was this shift in my priorities that made it so difficult to hold onto the friendships that used to be at the top but had, understandably, dropped out of the top 10. No one is to blame, really: my single friends with no kids or older friends whose kids were in high school or further along weren’t able to jive with my newfound definition. I went from being the sarcastic, drinking partier to the sarcastic, sober, unable-to-stop-talking-about-my-child, attached mother.
To get more socialization for myself and the kids, I’ve been dragging us to every library event for kids in the area. I figure it is as good of a place as any to meet other SAHPs. Think about it: our kids must be about the same age, we must live within the same geographical area, they must be around my age with a similar schedule, and so on.
Unless, of course, they already have their set of friends are really are just going to story time to get out of the house.
We have been going to three story times a week, and it really is hit or miss. Some days, we are the only three attending the event. Those days, I sit with the Angel on my lap, trying to keep her focused on the book or song or activity while the Handsome Rover either climbs all over the librarian or wanders out of site to knock over chairs. Really, not ideal. Some days, there are over a dozen other kids and at least 10 adults. Those are the best for the Angel, since she doesn’t cling to me but gets to play with other children her age.
I thought it would be great for me, too, since I could mingle with other moms and dads. But we live in a rural county with small communities full of people who have known each other most of their lives. Or know someone who knows them.
The Golden Mommy
At the library where we typically are the only attendees, there once was a mother with three children. Her oldest was just a little older than the Angel, the middle was just a little younger, and the baby was a few months younger than my Handsome Boy.
But she, the mom, this other SAHM, was practically crafted to be my friend. She was Golden.
We liked the same books. We did the same activities at home with our kids. We shared our birth stories, even the nasty details, only to be excited to have similar experiences with the same midwives. I don’t know who brought it up first but, yes, we are both Gryffindor. Oh! And we live within minutes of each other, closer than the library!
She was the Golden Mommy.
We talked for a good hour after story time ended, letting our kids play together and be social without our interference. We bonded and were both smiling brightly when it became clear it was time to go. It was time to usher our sweet children who were now hungry and tired and no longer so sweet out to our cars. We said our goodbyes and promised to see each other at the next story time.
That was the last time I saw her.
The Phone Number
I’m a 33-year-old happily married mother of 2. I grew up in a suburb, went to a community college in Florida, ended up graduating from Purdue, had a hell of a streak of partying and clubbing years, and really enjoy reading.
In all of my life, I have never had to ask another for their number. Any guy that I was interested in was interested back and would ask for my number. More guys than I was interested in would ask!
All my girlfriends were from school, from work, or from our reenacting group. These were people I had plenty of opportunities to get to know, to feel out, to have lunch with or camp with, long before I’d have to take the plunge to get contact information. And usually, that information came into my possession organically. I didn’t have to ask.
I’ve never had to ask for someone’s number!!
When I told the BHE all about the Golden Mommy, my voice and hand gestures showing my excitement, he asked me if I got her number. All the excitement whooshed out of me like a blown up balloon let go before it was tied.
Well, no. No, I didn’t get her number. I’VE NEVER HAD TO ASK SOMEONE BEFORE.
So now I’m going to see if I can stalk her on Facebook.